We've all had times when we find ourselves looking up, wondering how we ended up feeling like we do. It's like you stick your head up out of a foxhole, remember your mindset from earlier that day -- and try to figure out how things got so far out of whack.
That's where Emotional Mapquest would come in.
With this new online service, which I plan to start beta-testing just as soon as I get the time, resources and intelligence to launch it, you'll be able to enter in the way you were feeling and the way you are feeling, and the software will generate easy-to-follow step-by-step directions.
Example?
ORIGIN: CAUTIOUS OPTIMISM
DESTINATION: EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR
From CAUTIOUS OPTIMISM go approximately 10.5 miles thinking about the day's obligations until you arrive at CREEPING APPREHENSION.
From CREEPING APPREHENSION advance 40 miles until you see the first signs of FREE-FLOATING ANXIETY.
From FREE-FLOATING ANXIETY, allow 6 centimeter detour into SHAMELESS FANTASY.
Return from SHAMELESS FANTASY after a brief 30-foot stab at HYSTERICAL SELF-DELUSION.
Descend slowly 45 FEET from SELF-DELUSION into GLUM SELF-PITY.
From GLUM SELF-PITY descend an additional 700 FEET straight down into FLAT OUT HOPELESSNESS.
From FLAT OUT HOPELESSNESS segue 22 FEET RIGHT to the closest STARBUCKS.
From STARBUCKS, explode 7 MILES HIGH into AN ABRUPTLY SUNNY STATE OF CAFFEINE-ENDUCED RAPTURE.
Leaving RAPTURE, crash hard and fast into LATE AFTERNOON SLOUGH OF DESPOND.
From SLOUGH OF DESPOND dither along through 6000 MILES OF INTERCHANGIBLE ROUTINE.
Arrive in EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR.
TOTAL TRIP TIME: 21 MINUTES
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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5 comments:
Like Mapquest directions, this seems rather roundabout. I know a short-cut.
The "reverse route" feature would be the real money-maker.
I agree. My most recent reverse route went something like this:
DEPART fog of brain-numbing routine.
DRIVE HOME to discover 4-year-old son riding bike without training wheels for the first time.
ARRIVE IN unexpected surge of pride and joy.
It's less roundabout too...
see http://enginepuller.com
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